5-2-2010

Friday night, the last school day before Chinese New Year Holiday, Jessica and I went out.

I met someone special, not her boyfriend...... but probably he will be. He was her unclear relationship friend.

We had dinner together, it was the first time I saw him, but I wasn't dramatic. I hate to be hypocritical, and detest those who live with that personality.

I think he liked me, maybe he thought I was funny... and a little bit crazy.

Anyway, we didn't spend much time together...... I mean, they did, we didn't.

He took her home and they were together for almost the whole night, of course I wasn't that stupid to stay with them. I left way earlier than you think.

But it felt really awful when I saw them holding hands and walking together. I was walking alone next to them, I don't know how did people see us. Actually it was Jessica's idea that we could hang out together, but maybe she didn't beware of people's minds, I didn't neither, otherwise I would have rejected her.

People stared like I was bothering the couple, without knowing the fact. I was born to look a bit bitchy, and it could be a story... "That girl is upset because the prettier girl next to her got the boy she loves and she's now bothering them." At least I could think of that, the very wrong story.

But the point was Jessica was happy. I wasn't the substance of tonight. However, I get jealous so easily. When me and Haylie go out, I dress special as I want to attract guys. And we go to different places that contain foreigners, where I never go with Jessica. She doesn't adore western culture like me and Haylie. Even though she should be the better-looking girl tonight, I still feel jealous. And that night she was prettier way more than me.

I felt shame.

I guess Jessica just wanted me to meet him, and hoped that I'd support her no matter if she and him'd be together or not. She still trusts me although so much has happened. I hope that's true, instead of me being naive or over imaginative.

And I realized one thing -- I do not belong there, where normal young teenagers like. Or maybe I just don't like to be with them. I enjoy to be with Haylie much more than that. Westerners and Hong Kongness, which would I prefer to attract? Westerners for sure. At least I'm appreciated, while the Hong Kongness treat me like shit.

Yes, that's where I belong to, the streets that belong to Westerners.