22-1-2009

I just woke up, and I had a nightmare, I want to write it down before I forget. I know it means something, but you'll never understand if you don't know the stories I always want to tell. So now I'm just going to write about my dream.

I was with Jessica, my outfit was hot. I flirted with every guys I met, messing around. We went to a little shop that sold make-up stuffs, there were about 4 women sitting around the counter, chatting, like those in reality. There was a guy sitting outside the shop. I messed with him... no, I didn't mean to. I was being wanton with my friends, then he looked at me. I don't remember his face exactly, but I was scared, I still remember that feeling, like I knew something was going to happen.

Jessica and I hid in the shop.

What came next, I don't remember, I just remember he hurt me, I don't know if he did it at my school or somewhere else.

He cut me from my chest down to my stomach. I bled, helplessly. I didn't really try to call for help, because he didn't only hurt me, he even killed other people. But I didn't die in my dream.

I lived a few more days after he hurt me. I was at school. I saw my schoolmates, those who always make me laugh in real life. It seemed like they didn't know what happened. I told them "I'm almost gone", I asked them if I could get them anything before that...... let me make it clear, actually I only dreamed 2 of my friends as I remember, one was the one who sits next to me, another one was Matthew.

I saw Meredith on a corridor outside school office, she was walking, looked at me like she does in real life... no, she glanced at me, it wasn't looking, neither in real life, nor in my dream.

Now, done with remembering. I'm going to write about how I feel.

First, about the man. He cut me, deeply. I should be dead but I wasn't, I lived for a while. I feel like it's a curse, like when someone put it on you, you don't die right away, but let you live a few more days to regret and say goodbye to the others.

Second, about what I wore. I do have that outfit, it wasn't my imagination. I wore that out for 2 nights, my mum didn't like it. But I had guys came talk to me when I was wearing it, and people stared, grated me as a nice girl. My mum thought that I'd get into trouble with that outfit, and I almost did; In my dream, I did.

Third, Meredith. I don't understand why she'd appear. But in reality, at this moment, I'm kinda afraid of her, her eyes, her face, her glances, like she detests me.