21-1-2009

I don't know if I'm telling you the second story, I just want to blog.

I'm so suspicious. I think too much. In my age, everything should be simple, I should be unaware of everything. But why do I always try to read people's faces? Why do I want to know so much?

Looking away, blink one or two times. I'd think that person has something on his/her mind; A talking crowd, suddenly one person become silent. I'd think that person is unhappy, or ignored by the others, or maybe that person is different from that crowd; Class is noisy, teacher is not smiling, eyes look over the class, nothing to say. I'd think that teacher is not able to control that class, annoyed.

I look too much, think too often, maybe make up something that doesn't even exist and scare myself. Sometimes I want to stop thinking, to live simply, now it's complicated in my head. But what comes when I notice nothing? It'd become more annoying. I prefer knowing everything, at least know what is going on, in case I'd do anything stupid.

I think a lot, and I grow up faster than the others around me. I'm not saying that I'm very different, just a little bit, mentally. At least I think I am. Last year I think Jessica is cool, now I think she is childish. Maybe she changed, that I believe she did. She became so different from me, I think of my future and she think of her own profit at present, without worrying any consequences. Swearing without emotion. Childish. I was once like her, but now, I'm more grown-up.