1-10-2009

I'm here again, no special reasons, just want to be here.

It's the 60th year of China, there's a celebration, seems like everyone is happy. Seems like. But I don't see how happy I am, or people around me are. I never want to be a Chinese, never ever. I wish Hong Kong has never gotten back to China, it was all good when it was apart of England. I can imagine there are British around me, since the time I got out from my mother, until the death of mine. I want to wear British school uniform, not the piece of shit I'm wearing in my school.

I'm apart of the joy from China, probably Hong Kong is, too.

While I'm ignored by my country, I stayed in my room and read. And I finished the first English book, Write Naked, written by Peter Gould. I did read other English books, but school provided them, I didn't need to use my brain to read them, so they weren't counted.

I love the book.

The last chapter was the best, I think. But before I read that, I saw two good chapters. I'd put a photo between those papers as a bookmark, to let myself find it and read it again before I return the book to library. Now I'm thinking, maybe I should save myself a copy. I'm not saying I want to steal the book, I mean like, go to a stationary and use the copy machine. I can also do it at my school. Or maybe after that I'd go and get Write Naked in a book store, if I can find one.

I really love the book, love the story in there, the passion and the shyness of Victor, the character, maybe the writer himself.

I want to try that too, to write naked, to see how it feels, to see if it's true. I'd not have a chance to do it as long as having so many people in my house. I planned to try it this Saturday but I just found out it's a public holiday. So I guess I'm saving it next time. But to taste it alone is cruel, being alone and naked in a room is cruel. Meaning you don't have anyone to love you. I'll write it down, to see how it really feels like.

I want to be like Victor and Rose Anna in the last chapter. In their cabin, being naked, write, write brilliant stories, be together, feel each other.

I've already forgotten things I wanted to blog as Marc just showed up in a sudden. I just threw everything back off my head.