28-8-2009

It's like breaking a football player's leg, cutting writer's fingers off, killing a government from a country.

I have allergy, or fungus rash. I've had it since I was very little, but not on my face.

Few days ago it came up on my face, first my lips were dry, I thought it was because of the air-condition so I didn't put a lot of attention on it. And the next day, it went worse so I took care of it carefully but the next victim was my face.

My face was so itchy that night, the next day I woke up I realized, it's not smooth anymore, it turned into a rough, harsh, rugged face.

That wasn't that obvious when I looked at the mirror, but it didn't feel so. So I put lots of make-up on my eyes before I left my home, the only place that is safe for me. However, when people looked at me, I couldn't make my eyes stop looking on the floor. I knew they were just looking at my eyes but I felt nothing but shameless.

I felt even more scared last night. What if it doesn't go away? Give it more time!! My mind can never control my heart. It told me to wait patiently but my heart is scared and told me to cry, like always.

Jessica didn't worry about it because she saw I got it much more worse during winter, but it wasn't my face!

I am not pretty, but I care about my appearance a lot.

Lets say there's a normal girl, she is not pretty or popular, like a kind that is invisible at school. One day she walks home after school, it's late and dark. She sees a guy in a silent street, and he sees her, too. She walks through with her polite smile, but the next second the guy catches her and brings her to a dark corner. She is raped. Will she say "it's no big deal" because she is invisible or she's ugly?

It's as same as girls' faces are in danger because of some kind of rash or allergy, every girl! I am not over reacted.

I'd not tell Marc about it, only 2 friends, Jessica and Matt. Jessica must knows because she saw me in the other day and she's my best friend. I told Matt but I don't know why, maybe because it's no point to tell people who can't help, and Matt, is a kind of people helping the others, and it feels safe talking to him with his honesty.

Today my face turns better, but still not good enough, not that scared but still, very scared.