16-8-2009

I had a surprise today... I mean yesterday.

Marc had my plurk!! (I hadn't updated it for a while)

I got on facebook like usual and saw Marc sent me a message which asked "you want me to get jealous and you are single :( just wondering"... My day turned to unusual immediately.

I was really curious, how did he get my plurk!? I feel like he's digging my secrets one by one that no one ever did. I'm kind of excited, and also a bit worry as he can know me more and more, and finally realize he doesn't really know a lot.

I had dreams last night, one of them was I talked to Cerith. Because I hadn't seen him for a week or two. (I don't really remember how long because I've been thinking about Marc.)

And today, Cerith got online.

He left without a word, he said he had a trip to England and forgot to tell me. Well that answer didn't surprised me. I knew he'd forget me but it didn't mean I'd not get angry. I had this reaction because he said he loved me and he forgot me, left me for weeks, then came back and said "I forgot to tell you".

Luckily I don't trust him since he asked me "do you finger yourself?", if not, it'd feel like the days I waited for Kevin when he was having exams...... TERRIBLE!!!

Should I keep Cerith? I shouldn't because I have Marc. It feels like I'm cheating, but I'm not, I don't love Cerith. I don't love people who forgets me. Maybe I like him? Ummmm... I don't know, maybe, or probably I just treat him as entertainment. It sounds a bit cruel but I don't love him, maybe I did but not after he forgot me.

I feel guilty. If Marc isn't playing like the others, I should be serious, too. But at the same time, it's unfair to Cerith... although the world is never fair. I can't remember he asked me anything that not around sex... besides he asked me who Marc is.

Now I know why God doesn't like greed. (I'm not sure, I think He doesn't.) I'm too greedy, love one person and want to have another. Marc said he'd not stop me, and he didn't tell me how he felt. I will stop talking to Cerith if he tells me too. And hoping he will if he wants me to.