13-8-2009

Fuck!!!!! I just made 2 god damn mistakes!! TWO OF THE BIGGEST GOD DAMN MISTAKES!!!

First, I gave Marc my blog, I knew he'd get hurt but I still gave it to him because I wanted him to know how I feel, which hurt him a lot. I'm too selfish.

Second, I told Kevin because I thought he'd help me... but HELL FUCKING NO!!! I think he even laughed in his fucking shit hole!! "little winnie hurting little boys" HAHAHA!!! FUNNY HUH KEVIN!!! Then I told him "not talking to you again"... WHAT!? YOU DID THAT!?!? Yes I fucking did.

A, I gave him a lot but he didn't return me anything back, including my time, and I'm done with him;
B, he changed, how the fuck can he say that to me, shouldn't he say something to make me feel better!?;
C, I am nothing to him, this is really NOTHING, probably less than an Internet friend;
I have a lot more complaining and reasons.

What he said just made me angry, but what I said to him made my heart squeezed into blood, and it's now in my veins running via my body, soon it'll become dead, then I'll stop breathing.

Kevin was the most important lover I had, I really cared about him. Although now I don't love him, it still hurts. What I did for last year is nothing, NOTHING!! I was too stupid and didn't see him clearly. I deserve this fucking shit!!

Why aren't you talking about Marc? Because I told him something cheered him up and he is not angry. I regret to give him my blog so much!! The strange thing is, I also feel happy that he read it, because he knows how I feel.

I wanted to die when I hurt Marc. I feel protective to him, I can't bear he gets hurt, not from anyone!! I can't stand any bad emotion goes on his cute face or his pure heart. If I can, I think I will beat his classmates up one by one, because as I see they don't treat him right, I don't care if you think that's retarded but I really will.

Marc if you are reading this, I am truly sorry.