25-7-2009

Last 3 nights, I had 3 weird dreams which were clear and now I can still remember them.

Before my first dream, I was out to dinner with my father. WHAT!? DINNER WITH FATHER!? I was surprised, indeed. Well I might not have a chance to tell you how my father behaves. He has a bitch with him, and he may own another family out there. But he still cares about me (and maybe my mother). He gives me money, HK$300 a week, he gave me HK$500 the past few weeks because he knew my summer break has started. Anyway, he cheated on my mother. I really don't know when did it all happen but my family friend told me the truth 3 years ago. I cried right away and was sad about it but now I can honestly face the fact that I don't have a good father; and my mother chose a wrong man to be with. I live with 6 people and a dog, I was the last one who found out the truth, my family hid it because they didn't want to hurt me and they pretended they didn't know, including my mother. Even though the truth can be seen clearly, I pretend it doesn't exit as I don't want them to worry.

My father has done quite well lately and he took me and my mother out to dinner that day. I was happy which was not good. I hated him very much, I hoped my parents to divorce but now, I'm unsure about that.

The first dream I had was about me helping my father to run from police or something, I can't remember it clearly, so make it simple, I WAS HELPING MY FATHER BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT HIM. The second dream I had was about someone kidnapping me and I was lost in mainland china, the first phone call I made was to my mother and the second was to my father. I knew him well in my dream, just like in real life. He said "YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, I CAN'T HELP YOU AT ALL."

Among all these, I just want to make a point that I actually like my father but he is such an ass. I always told people I hated him but now I've grown, and I realized that be true to someone and keep doing good is hard and not every men can be their partners' dream men. Would you cheat if you're married? Ask yourself this question. My answer is "yes, I would". I can't answer no because I'm easy to fall in love. Once when my boyfriend treats me badly, I'd go find someone else. I'm selfish. What my father did has answered "yes and no", he cheated but he still stays with us.

I don't know what to say, my father is bad and also good. He broke my mother and my hearts but we are doing good. It's weird, isn't it!? I wonder what would Matt say to me, I'm not asking for his advice this time but I still want to hear. But sadly, I don't have that chance anymore... I miss you, my dear friend.