4-11-2009

I don't know what's wrong with Jessica...... or what's wrong between me and her.

Let's recall to the time that she was going out with someone. She didn't call me, kind of ignored me. But I understood, I knew she needed time to have another relationship got started. I didn't say anything bad to her and hurt her feelings, I didn't make her choose between me and him.

Now I have so much work to do, I have an English group need to deal with.... well it's not a good word, I'm not dealing with it, I actually like the time when I'm with teachers and those mates, at least it feels like people look up to me.

I met Justin via the English group, he came and found me in my classroom all the time, I was happy, he's new and speaks very nice English, he can teach me a lot. He was welcome... but Jessica didn't like that. She thought I spent too little time with her. But what could I do? Even though later I told Justin not to come to often, me and her stopped talking, I didn't even know what to talk to her about.

During times I didn't stay with her, she hanged out with some old friends of ours, who aren't good. Maybe good to hang out with outside the school for once or twice, but they can't be friends, they're too bad.

I saw Jessica started to smoke a lot. She began to smoke since very long time ago, but only when she was very sad, like broke up with her ex. Now she doesn't, probably smoking a pack of Marlboro once a day.

She doesn't want to hang out with me anymore, I can feel it. I have to think of topics before I have conversations with her, which means we're running out of topics to talk about, we're much more different than we used to. And those conversations didn't work out.

Honestly she has been a bitch. I had to do exactly as she said, that's alright if it wasn't a big deal, but that's not alright when she got too far. She wanted me to stay out of Justin and she looked like I killed her boyfriend! And now her shitty-looking face is keeping appear! When I can see it everyday, I don't give a damn, I don't want to take care of her anymore.

If I'm not fun to be with, fuck off.

When the hell can she stop being so immature and realize the difference between "lonely" and "alone"? I've never seen her to be alone for an hour, is it really necessary to have a company to be with? I didn't complained when she wasn't with me, I knew she was happy but she's now so fucking selfish! Now I'm having people to count on me, and they aren't just our mates, they are teachers, and I'm doing better and better, why can't she just give me a little time to do what I can be happy to do instead of showing me her freaking shitty face?

Jessica, grow up, stopping being so self-centered and immature.