7-6-2009

Have you ever feel like you can not find anyone to talk and feel like you are all alone? I have, just the past Friday night.

I went to doctor that night, he punched me as usual. I deeply felt painful but I felt I better too. And I cried, not because of the pain but because I missed Kevin so much. I spit my feelings with the pain.

After I got back home I went online MSN and soon, I saw Kevin. I said hi to him and wanted to talk to him, he responded but we did not talk. I wanted him. I just wanted to feel a little bit saved. I just wanted to be soothed by him. I just wanted him to ask me "how do you feel now?" but he didn't, he said nothing.

I am out of Kevin's life. He used to talk to me everyday but it seems everything has gone past, nothing stayed still, it has changed. What a tragedy. What a pity. What a broken-hearted girl.

Kevin has his own life, his own friend, his own lover, his own destiny which I can never be apart of.

I miss the way you treated me. I miss the sweet time we had. I miss the dare thing I told you. I miss how I could speak with my heart. I miss the nights we stayed together. I miss you, Kevin.

A voice is telling me to stop loving him, a clear, determined, sensible voice. And somehow I followed it. I put a little attention on Frenchi from Kevin which doesn't make me feel better at all, because Frenchi doesn't show up everyday.

I spent a week for making Frenchi's b-day present which is a bottle of hearts, paper hearts that I made for a week. I'll send those hearts tomorrow, as I'll send my love to him at the same time.