30-5-2009

Today I went out with Jessica, she soothed me that she might not leave. Though it didn't sound convincing, thank you Jessica, at least I know you care about me.

After I got back I had live on stickam ans I was happy since 2 people said that I was pretty. A few hours later, I stopped to go live because KEVIN WAS ONLINE.

I hadn't seen Kevin for damn ages, I could not stop telling him I missed him and I loved him. I think he was shocked.

He got into hospital and was very busy. KEVIN GOT INTO HOSTPITAL!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh!!! Fortunately he's okay now. Unfortunately, he told me he wanted to speak to a Chinese girl who lives near by. I AM DAMN JEALOUS!!!!! He didn't say it but I knew he wanted me to teach him Chinese. I didn't teach him, I didn't want to, I never want to.

"I AM JEALOUS THOUGH SHE IS NOT PRETTY. I AM JEALOUS BECAUSE SHE LIVES NEAR BY YOU. I AM JEALOUS AS SHE IS THE ONE WHO YOU WANT TO KNOW. I DETEST HER. I HATE HER." How I want to spit this shit out!? But I cannot!! Who I am? I am nobody!!!!!! NOBODY OF KEVIN!!! I AM NOTHING TO HIM!!

Second, Kevin is going out with his friends for a few days next week. I said "I'm gonna miss you." but not "where are you going?" which made him felt kind of disappointed I think.

I noticed that he typed text and deleted it over and over again, he typed it but didn't send it. He didn't say a lots of things like he was afraid to say something wrong. Maybe I scared him as I said "I miss you" and "I love you" so many times.

Now he's offline, I hope I can talk to him soon.

I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW I LOVE KEVIN WARD-MILSOM SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!