20-9-2009

I've been terribly busy. The work I've had in these weeks were already more than a half year of my F.2, so can you picture how busy I am? EXTREMELY BUSY!!!

I stayed at school at least until 6 for these weeks, everyday, for doing homework, extra work and seeing teachers. Then walked home with a shattered body, that still thinking about the work. Home is not a relaxing place, it gives me more stress instead. When I'm finishing my work at home, my family would ask "still finishing your work?", yes damn it! Have you seen things, can't you see I'm busy with my work right now? It's not me doing it slowly or unwillingly, it's because there's too much work to do!

School is already hard, and my family is making it feels worse.

Plus, Jessica is not totally mine since she has a boyfriend. Just yesterday, she wanted we three to hang out together. When we were out at night, they were walking together, I was behind them. Why would she want me to go with them if I wasn't needed? Maybe she feels a bit scared to just going out with him, or maybe she's scared of dead air. I messaged a guy and smiled and laughed the entire time to make myself look busy and happy, so let Jessica didn't have to worry about me, no matter if she did or not.

It's always full of couples at night, everywhere, seeing people loving each other. I'm a special case, that no one loves.

I don't remember how long, I think it has been a while, since I haven't talked to Marc. I don't have anything to say to him, but I still want to see him, am I missing him? How can I miss a person who talk to me that less? I don't talk to Jessica about him, she thinks I'm too stupid to love him. I know I am stupid, maybe even retarded, many people have told me that.

"Marc is cute, very cute, the cutest person I've met." It was the first thought that went on my mind when I met him. It stays in my mind until now. Maybe it stays too long, if there's another person says he loves me and doesn't talk to me much, would I leave him? I probably will. But I still love Marc somehow. Maybe because he's too cute, so I want to stay with him? I don't know. I don't know anything. I don't even know Marc. How irony.