4-7-2009

It has been a while since Michael Jackson's death. I still feel so unreal. I can't believe he's dead.

I remember the day he died, when the news still wasn't showed, Kevin told me about it. I thought he was joking or it was a rumor, then I asked another fan of his. It was true, he died. Nothing happened to me at that time, I think my heart didn't believe it even my brain kept telling myself "he's dead".

My emotion started to spit out when I was walking to school and listening to Michael Jackson-Billie Jean. I couldn't stop my tears, my hair dropped on my hair but people still could see my crying face. I kept walking and walking, my hair messed up but it didn't bother me. I didn't care about how I look, didn't care about how people feel, I just hoped that was a rumor.

My mood didn't turn better after I arrived school. I found out everyone watched news in the morning, 2 girls stood in front of the classroom and waited for me. I didn't know their purpose but I didn't care. People looked at me and let me passed the road. They told jokes and played like usual but they stayed out everything about Michael which wasn't normal, they usually don't leave such a huge news. I knew they didn't want to hurt me but it didn't help at all, my tears came out more and more.

That day all on my mind was "Now Michael is dead, but I've never done anything for him, I didn't stand for him and I let people made fun of him. I have no chance to see him, I have no chance to fight for him, I have no chance to protect him." Yes, I just keep saying I love him but I've done nothing for him at all. Specially this year, when people made fun of him I didn't stop them, I stayed in my position and kept my damn mouth shut, mostly.

Look back to these 2 years, my dream was so stable because I thought he would be there. Because of him I tried so hard to get good grades, I stood on my school's stage and got my award for a couple of times, they are all his honer, not mine.

I want to reach to my dream so badly, I want to see him, I want to stand on a stage and get everyone's attention. Then I tell the whole world how great Michael Jackson is and how much he's misunderstood. I still can do it but Michael will never know. He didn't even know my name before his time, what have I done for him?

I love him, he is dead but my love won't die, I promise his soul I will still carry on. When I success, it's his honer. I love him until I die. My children will remember his name and adore him. I won't let him to be disgraced by anyone I know.