20-4-2009

Well, I haven't been here for ages but I come back cause I wanna say something, but I don't wanna tell this to anybody around me. I guess I can tell in here, maybe no one's gonna read this..

I have a very good friend on msn, his name is Kevin. He treats me as his best friend online ever, I'm glad I'm his good friend. But think people, what would happen if you lose a web friend/? Nothing right? If you lose a friend in a real world, like your classmate, you woud feel you're missing something. But I'm just a web friend, what's big deal if I disappear? I asked him about it at once, his said I'm his web friend and a friend at the same time, cause he feels I'm near even I'm 100 miles away.

I wake up at around 5 every school days morning, for talking to Kevin, it's at night there. I know it sounds stupid but I've done it for 6 months. I love him so much, more than friends. I would tell him if he's near me, cause I can catch him but the fact is, he's far far away. I'm afraid he won't talk to me if I tell him I love him as a romantic way, I'm scared he'll disappear.

I hate to be normal to someone I care, I want people I care also care about me. "How important do I mean to you" I wanna ask Kevin this question but why? I need a reason for that, I'm not his girlfriend I'm just a friend, even I sent him x-mas and v-day presents I'm just a friend, and this question sounds like a girlfriend.

"Will he talk about me with his friends?" I wanna know it too, but I can guess, the answer is no. He has lots of friends, plenty of close friends, he doesn't need me, nothing will be different if I don't show up. But for me, I feel so glad to know him, I tell my best friends about it. I wanna bring him to my real world cause he's so imortant to me..

Now it's 06:10am, my first school day after easter holiday. Kevin went to sleep around 25 mins ago, after that I tried to talk to Frenchi, who used to be my good friend ONCE. He's the same case as Kevin, "web friends". He started not to go online msn after summer holiday, lately, I found his AIM on his old stickam page but now we're just web friends, we aren't close anymore. I'm not important to him, he can live without me, easily...

I'm scared Kevin is the exact same case, this thought scares my all the time. I already can't live without Kevin, he's apart of my life, my day has at least one and a half hours belongs to him.

Maybe I should shut up now, I have school. I may blog tonight or tomorrow morning, when Kevin is not with me.